Becoming: Finding Strength and Identity in Adulthood

Written By: Greysen Tremble

Thumbnail and Benner Photo By: Archive Counseling

Many of us have experienced the feeling of not being anywhere prepared or confident enough for our first steps into adulthood,  with excitement, confusion and fear rushing through us. Most of us in our late teens and early twenties don’t quite feel like adults, but we’re not kids anymore either. We are now doing things that our younger selves would never have even thought of, such as living on our own, managing school schedules, making our own food, and trying our best to stay healthy and alive. On top of that, some of us may even be working jobs, yet we are still lost on how many of the fundamentals of ‘adulting’ work.

These are all normal feelings. Psychologists actually have a name for this stage of life: Emerging Adulthood. This is a recognized life stage in psychology, and it is crucial to recognize the effects and importance that this stage of life has on considering life goals, and experiencing a sense of opportunity before committing to adult roles. 

First described by researcher Jeffrey Arnett, emerging adulthood refers to the period between 18 and 25 where young people experience freedom, instability, and uncertainty all at once. Emerging adulthood is most common in industrialized countries, where many young people pursue higher education and often delay marriage and parenthood until around age 30. In fact, studies done by the BYU Magazine, show that as many as 85% of people in this age group don’t feel like full adults yet. Instead, they describe themselves as being “in between, no longer children, but not fully grown either”.

One of the more overwhelming changes in an emerging adult is the freedom that becomes available to them. Freedom from your parents and your schedule, and freedom to do what makes your heart happy. You are told you can do anything you can put your mind to and that the  choices are now your own to make. Freedom is indeed exhilarating, but that “on top of the world” feeling only lasts for so long before the weight of responsibility begins to settle in. Simple things pile on, like figuring out how to do taxes, calling to book your own doctor’s appointment, or realizing no one is going to remind you to do laundry. But that is how you begin to change, discovering how strong you really can be.

Photo By: Saint Mary's University

With the beginning of a new and very extensive chapter in your life, questions begin to nag about what kind of person do you believe you'd like to be and  how do you want to be seen by those that surround you. Better yet, who do you wish to have in your life? Social media offers no respite, with online personas seemingly having everything figured out and “perfect”. These unattainable standards make it difficult to not feel behind no matter how hard you try. You are not alone in these sentiments, and there is no requirement to have all this figured out now. The U.S. News world report shows that 63% of 18 to 34  year-olds struggle to know their life purpose. With your own adulthood laid out in front of you there is no requirement to have all this deciphered in the next week. Your identity itself is in a state of remodeling, it’s important to remember that it takes time. 

With all the difficulties that are faced in this perilous stage, continuing on can feel practically impossible. It is critical to not lose hope and continue pushing past your own comfort zones.  Every choice you make, whether successful or not, teaches you something about who you are and what you value, guiding you toward a clearer sense of self.

As Arnett explains, emerging adulthood is a time defined by exploration. Testing new roles, values, and directions in life until you begin to find what truly fits you. Learning how to live your own life and exploring your identity involves trying new experiences, engaging with diverse people, and reflecting on cultural and family influences. Using the support from loved ones, friends, and professionals can help. Ultimately, identity is self-defined by no one but you. To strive to find a meaningful sense of self and purpose in your own life is the key to truly growing up.