Transness and Self Image
Written by Joyo Smit
Header and Thumbnail by ev on Unsplash
Introduction
Transgender people may experience distress due to the clash between their assigned sex and their identity. This is called gender dysphoria, and can manifest in many different ways for trans people. Gender dysphoria can lead to discomfort, depression, and an overall sense of unease.
There are options that can help alleviate gender dysphoria, such as socially transitioning or medically transitioning. However, for some, gender dysphoria may trickle through even after these interventions. It may become unresolvable, placing unachievable standards on the individual regarding how they present. While these processes do a lot of good, they do not necessarily cover the internal change that needs to be done.
How can one find peace before, during, and after the transition process?
When Dysphoria is Present
There are many reasons why a trans person may understand their identity but not yet transition. Some may choose not to socially or medically transition at all. Others cannot transition due to preexisting conditions, financial struggles, or safety concerns. Even those who are beginning to socially transition often face years-long processes to get access to medical interventions. Unsurprisingly, dysphoria can be present during this period of pre-transition.
Medical and social transitions are hugely beneficial for transgender people who decide to take those paths. Statistics show that only about 1% of people regret gender-affirming surgery. However, this doesn’t mean that all distress in terms of gender is completely alleviated. There can still be some remaining dysphoria for numerous reasons. Firstly, they may be waiting for the full effect of their gender-affirming treatment - for example, hormone replacement therapy takes some time to make significant changes. Secondly, there may be other forms of gender-affirming care that the individual has yet to acquire that would be beneficial. Finally, they still may not yet fit their ideal appearance - this is the reason this article will be focused on.
Underlying Attitudes
Trans people, like everyone else, can have goals they want to reach in terms of physical appearance. In the worst case, a person may find themselves always reaching for the next thing, and suppressing parts of themselves to feel more valid and to look like how they identify.
As an example, let’s look at online transmasc communities. I personally have seen many content creators advise younger trans men to stop wearing clothes with colour to pass better. Others throw themselves into fitness to look as masculine as possible. Still others refuse to shave their beards because doing so makes them feel too feminine.
There is nothing wrong with working out for self-betterment or trying to achieve a certain appearance. However, one can’t help but think, aren’t cisgender men allowed to wear colour? Aren’t cisgender men allowed to skip the gym without threatening their gender identity? Clearly, these individuals are putting more pressure on themselves to conform than cisgender men do to prove who they are.
How can a trans person build a positive sense of self, despite experiences with dysphoria throughout the transition process?
Forming A Healthy Sense of Self
Physical goals and changes should be separate from a sense of self and gender identity. Transgender people are valid, no matter their physical appearance. Internalizing this can be difficult. You have to challenge your own invalidating self-talk and work towards accepting where you currently are and how you currently look. This doesn’t mean leaving dysphoria unhealed by rejecting medical treatment and committing to self-improving practices in order to achieve a certain look. It simply means that your value is not depleted because you have not reached your transition goals. Transition, like all forms of change, takes time. And in the process, you have to be kind to yourself. By accepting where you are now, you accept where you will be in the future, and are less likely to feel unsatisfied. If you look in the mirror and pick out things that prove that you aren’t your true gender, you will probably only continue to do so in the future.
Conclusion
Dysphoria is an incredibly intense and personal type of distress that can be extremely difficult to navigate. In my experience, practicing self-care and self-acceptance in times when it is most difficult is the best way to go, especially during times when physical and social transitions are on pause. This tactic isn’t a cure to dysphoria, but a way to practice a healthy mindset that will ultimately lead to being content with where you are in your transition. Everyone’s journey is different, so what self-care looks like for you is unique to you. Overall, be patient and kind to yourself, and acknowledge that your validity is not dependent on your progress.